Daily Practice ·
The mutual benefit test: how to know if a deal is worth it
A practice to review your everyday agreements and detect whether both sides win or someone is losing. Learn to walk away in time with kindness.
By Pedro J. Pérez
Every day we close small deals: dividing chores at home, choosing a plan with friends, accepting an assignment, giving in during an argument. In those moments, almost without realizing it, we decide whether we seek for both of us to come out winning or whether we settle for one person losing. The problem is that agreements where someone comes out losing don't hold up: sooner or later, that person collects the difference.
This practice invites you to review your interactions today with a simple question: is this good for both of us? If it isn't, you have the option to walk away with kindness, without manipulating or letting yourself be manipulated. It's not about always winning, but about not signing lopsided deals.
The practice Duration: 15 minutes
Choose three everyday agreements
During the first five minutes, think of three situations today in which you have to reach an agreement with someone: it could be dividing a task, choosing a movie, a favor someone asks of you, or a work proposal. Note them mentally or on paper. Don't look for big conflicts; the everyday is enough.
Ask: who wins and who loses?
Spend another five minutes analyzing each situation. For each one, ask yourself: if I accept this as it is, what do I gain?, what does the other person gain?, does someone come out clearly losing? It's not about measuring with precision, but about detecting whether there is an obvious imbalance. If someone loses, that agreement won't last.
Look for a third alternative
If you detect that someone loses, spend five minutes imagining a different option that benefits both. Sometimes it's enough to change one detail: change the timing, divide things differently, postpone the decision, or propose something different. If you can't find any possible alternative, consider the option of walking away with kindness.
Rehearse the kind withdrawal
If the only way out is not to accept, prepare a simple and respectful phrase to say no. For example: "I'd rather not go ahead with this as it is, because I don't feel good about the outcome. Can we look for another way or leave it for now?" Spend a few minutes saying it quietly so it sounds natural. It's not about winning an argument, but about not signing a deal that harms you.
Write down what you learned
At the end, in two minutes, write a brief note with what you have discovered: was it harder for you to see the mutual benefit or to walk away? Which of the three agreements can you adjust today? This note will help you recognize patterns in future interactions.
To reflect on today
In which agreement today were you about to accept that someone would come out losing, and what could you change so that both of you win or so that you walk away with kindness?
To finish
Seeking mutual benefit is not a negotiation technique, but a way of caring for relationships and for yourself. When both sides win, the agreement holds up without the need for vigilance. And when it isn't possible, walking away in time with respect prevents the imbalance from collecting its bill later.