Daily Practice ·
The practice of the treatment that uplifts: make someone feel seen today
A brief exercise to lift another person with your gaze and your listening: pay attention without interrupting, give thanks for what is specific, and treat each person as who they can become.
By Pedro J. Pérez
There is a gesture that almost no one practices with intention and that, nevertheless, changes the tone of any day: making another person feel important. No solemn occasion or brilliant words are needed. It is enough to pause, truly look, and listen without haste. What happens then is curious: by lifting someone up, one rises a little too.
Today's proposal is simple and demanding at the same time. Choose a person from your close circle—partner, child, colleague, neighbor, someone who serves you in a store—and give them for a few minutes what they are almost never given: full attention. It is not about flattering for the sake of flattering, but about recognizing what is valuable in them and telling them with precision.
Have fifteen minutes on hand without screens or interruptions. The conversation will provide the rest.
The practice Duration: 15 minutes
Choose and prepare the ground
Before starting, decide whom you are going to devote this time to and why. It can be someone you live with and perhaps no longer look at with fresh eyes, or a person with whom you exchange few words. For a minute, think of something specific that this person does well, sustains, or contributes. Do not look for a vague trait: look for a fact. That detail will be the raw material for what you say later.
Listen without interrupting
Start a brief conversation about any everyday topic and set yourself one rule: do not interrupt. When the other person speaks, let them finish, even if you think you know what they are going to say. If the impulse arises to complete their sentence, breathe and wait. Pause for two or three seconds before responding. In those seconds something happens: you move from preparing your reply to understanding what they have just told you.
Give back what you heard in your own words
When your turn comes, begin by restating what you have heard: "I understand that what worries you is…", "If I have not misunderstood you, what you value is…". It is not an empty technique; it is the way to show that you were there. Then, if appropriate, ask something that expands on what they said. During these minutes, try to understand their point of view before offering yours. Earning that right takes time, and it starts here.
Give thanks and praise with precision
Find the right moment to name that specific detail you thought of at the beginning. Not a general compliment—"you're very good"—but one that can be touched: "Yesterday you handled that with a calm that helped me", "I noticed that you remembered what I needed". Let it be immediate, tied to something recent, and without asking for anything in return. Specific recognition stays; generic recognition evaporates.
Look at the person they can become
To close, spend a minute seeing that person not only as they are today, but as who they can become. If you sense a capacity, a virtue that is growing, name it carefully and without demand: "I think you are very good at this and you don't take full advantage of it". Treat them as someone capable, not as someone to correct. That gaze sustains, and often gives the person back a confidence they had forgotten.
To reflect on today
Whom have I made feel today that they matter, and what changed in me by doing so?
To finish
Lifting another up is not a favor done from above, but a way of being in the world that gives us back the measure of what we are. Every time someone feels seen, something is set in order also in the one who looks. Practice it today with a single person and let the gesture speak for itself. Health notice: this content is for information and does not replace medical care. Consult your doctor to assess your situation and before changing any treatment.